I’ve had a really unpleasant experience this week, that upset me deeply. A friend offered wise counsel, drawing, I realised afterwards, on the principles of “Resourceful Conversations*” to help quell my anger and initial “fight” urge, and channel my actions constructively.
I am incredibly lucky to live in a lovely, rural village. I am known for my love of nature. We grow a large percentage of the veggies and fruit consumed by my family and keep chickens and bees. I live in an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty. Much of our land beyond our garden is agricultural. We’re in tune with the cycles of nature; currently anticipating the arrival of Spring lambs; watching crops grow in the warmer months, to be harvested in Autumn.
I’ve been very busy with some fantastic client work, travelling and out of the country in Germany during February, plus it’s been bleak and wet, and outside gardening has been delayed. So, I was horrified to discover, last week, that many metres of one of our wildlife hedgerows has been hacked down. Over 6 feet in height gone along tens of metres, this pretty, ancient hedgerow provided a habitat for myriad flora and fauna, a key windbreak for our orchard fruit trees, protection for our beehives and privacy from the neighbouring country road.
The investigation is ongoing. The authorities are on the case. I am devastated that someone has done this to our property. I am furious at the senseless destruction of a natural habitat and appalled by the upset that it causes at the start of the nesting season. I found myself enraged and beyond rational thought for a few days.
Luckily, I have some good friends with wise counsel to rein in my natural “fight” response. I realised, only afterwards, that they were drawing on the principles of Resourceful Conversations. One of them asked me for the facts of the situation. They asked me how I was feeling and let me rant, until I had fully shared (UNPACKING*). They then helped me to identify what mattered most to me (GROUNDING*). Then they asked what I wanted the outcome to be (COMMITTING*).
Through this, I realise that, once I’ve let go of seeking retribution for this appalling, selfish and senseless act (ok, I haven’t completely let go, this is an ongoing process), what matters most to me is ensuring it never happens again. From this space, I can move into action, to clear communication and focused activity, namely to restore the hedgerow and my own equilibrium, and ensure something positive comes out of this vandalism.
What part of your life would benefit from using the principles of Resourceful Conversations?
Where do you need grounding in what really matters to you?